Corona Captivity

Well I don't even know what day we are on of "social distancing" and this Coronavirus captivity.  Currently we are all "safer at home" and just waiting for the peak hoping that we have "flattened the curve" even a little bit in comparison to Italy.

And so I wait
And I have moments of crying and moments of joy
And moments of crying with joy

Laying on my bed weeping because after waiting in line outside at Ralphs the store had no bread, no eggs, no paper products, no Eggos, barely any fruit and a 2 milk maximum.  The contrast just overwhelmed me and I wish that I would never again complain about having to go to the grocery store.

Snuggling my kids on the couch while the rain comes down and we watch Armageddon.  "And I don't want to miss a thing."  I did not miss the opportunity to kiss their heads, smell their sweet hair and just soak it in and thank God. "And I just want to be with you right here with you just like this..."

Watching my home being turned into a live stream studio on Sunday morning and then marveling at how connected I felt to my church family.  Seeing Stephen and "The Bicker Band" and taking communion with water and coffee cake.  My cup runneth over.

The Gap(s)

I always said when both my kids were in school I would probably go work at the Gap.  Both of my kids are in school and I literally feel like my whole life is working in the Gaps.

It's easy to look back and see that in Bruxelles my Gaps were filled with the smell of waffles, yoga, travel, and culture.  In LA my Gaps seem filled with job angst, the church in red, needy people, and a gone husband.

"We're not waiting on God for significant days.  That never works.  If we live for the hope of seeing significant days in life, we'll toss in the towel.  The Gaps are simply too long.  We need a different goal: faithfulness rather than significance."  Wayne Stiles Waiting on God

So today I choose faithfulness but what does that look like for this mom?

Days of Abundance

Today I behold all the abundance that surrounds me

"This is the air I breathe"
"In Him I live and move and have my being" Acts 17:28
Creation was created with no scarcity: sand, air, stars, cells, gifts, art, space

50 people that have influenced my development:

Jon
Addy
Jax
Mom
Dad
David
Dan
Grandma
Laurie
Heather
Kate
Lindy
Bill W.
James
Becky
Lori
Beth
Kim
Carol
Helen
Audrey
Jen
Chris
Natalee
Audrey
Arlene
Arlie
Bill A.
Peter
Amy
Marv
Ziggy
Lucy
Tony G.
Dave
Ben
Lance
Tim
Faith
Nadia
Leila
Caren
Shannon
Bruxelles Bible Study ladies
Jeff
Jordan
Lisa
Tony H.
Karen
Simone
Lily
Sara
Tanya
Kerri
Chantel
Kat
April
Kevin M.
Lara
Melissa
Courtney
Kevin G.
Rita
Rosie
Emma
Suzy
Jessica
Ed
Sharon
Tammy
Anita
Apples of Gold ladies
Will
Amy
Ani

The list could and will go on...

Peanut and Little Mr.

Saturday, April 27th 2019

Peanut age 13
I am amazed at how successful you are.  You have all the goods to excel at anything.  I never worry about your future.  You are kind and considerate.  When everyone else has written Lily off you still try and include her.  You don't study for a science test and you still get an A.  You never give up even after saying that you are giving up.  You are tenacious.  You will do your pony tail over 1000 times.  You will dance on stage in front of high schoolers and master it.  You are a social butterfly who never wants the party to end.

It is so fun to watch you grow.


Little Mr. age 10 but soon to be 11
I am intrigued by you.  Who will you be?  You are the embodiment of the contradictions you say.  "I like it a little bit but I don't like it a little."  You are chill and then passionate.  You are kind and then cold. You are the first to cry and the first to laugh.  You tell me 1000 times a day that you love me.  But you scream the minute we ask you to turn off the video game.  You run towards pain with open arms but then shut down and hold grudges.  You can create and then destroy safety in seconds.

It is so fun to watch you grow.

To the Perils of Self-Betterment

Per ' il

noun

1.  serious and immediate danger

     synonyms: risk, insecurity, uncertainty, threat

     antonyms: safety, security

Hello!  Welcome to my number one reason for running from self-betterment.  

Brene Brown's Netflix special "The Call to Courage" kicked my butt.  I cried through the entire thing.  I have known that I am not great with vulnerability but I had never considered this to be the single component of courage.  I need to watch it like a 1,000 more times and I will.

But enter wise sage Marv who made me realize that as a strong feeler I prefer the known and habit because then i can fully live out of my feelings.  It also explains why Jon and Addy as strong thinkers both do change and risk better.  

So I toast with the wise words of Tyrion Lannister:

Cheers "to the perils of self-betterment!"  

Onward.

I Won the Battle for My Face!

I am free!!

It felt amazing to put mascara on...AND
It felt amazing to leave most of what I used to put on, off

I am changed
I learned I am beautiful
I learned I wasted a lot of time
I learned that my husband nor friends could even tell the difference
I learned that I am not my make up
I learned that less is in fact more
I learned to embrace that I am 40 and my daughter is the teenager
I learned that there is freedom to wear make up and freedom to not wear make up
I learned...

      (watching endless hours of Game of Thrones may have helped because at least I can shower)

The Battle for My Face Day I have lost track...

It happened on a warm Sunday morning at Ecclesia
The day was April 14th, 2019

I got ready in 30 min.
I dressed to impress.
I had time to clean up my house.
I leisurely walked to the car on time.
I engaged and laughed and encouraged.

And then it hit me...

I felt completely my best self and comfortable in my face.

My face which had not a trace of make up on it.