I am struggling with God.
Our current church expression is struggling. Basically everyone left when the going got tough and the "trio" of leadership is down to one couple. Enter the Ritners? Ugh. I am not a problem solver.
Carlton invited us to struggle with each other last night and we did. We need a common vision and we come from 5 different cultures. And I have a sore throat. And it is 10:30p and I have a 30 min. tram ride ahead of me.
I just want to run.
We talked about Jacob "struggling" with God. What he wanted was blessing. What do I want from God? I want blessing. I want to know why I was called out of my dream life and chosen to live in this dark place. I want to know a greater blessing than what I knew. I cannot imagine it.
What does God want from me? In the past I would have said obedience or submission. But now I think He wants me to struggle with Him. To throw my best punches, to be mad and sad and have it all directed at Him. To be honest. To be so close and intertwined that I can't get away from His presence.
I just want to run.
No comments:
Post a Comment