Oneness Waiting

Jon and I are trying to seek God's will for what to do with the seemingly rest of our lives.  I'm convicted just using that phrase because honestly I would be currently be fine with just the next step, the next job, the next city, the next stage...but so far we are waiting.

I know that there is purpose in waiting and I know that we don't always get to know all of them.  But here is one:

It has been a thrill to watch how God is orchestrating our desires toward oneness.

Kristyn's half prayer
"Dear God, this is what I need:
A house with a yard because I am done with Addy doing gymnastics in our living room
A community of Christian kids and moms because I am done with doing this mom and wife thing alone.
A car because I am done with walking in the rain and freezing cold to get groceries and pick up my kids from school.
A place right outside of a city that is close to my mom and dad because I am done with Skyping and living far from them like I have done for going on 13 years."

God audibly said to me last week: "I know what you need."  God created me and knows where my life is heading.  God knows what I need more than I do.  God has always been faithful to provide what I need even when it doesn't feel like it is what I need because it is not what I want.  God will continue to provide exactly what I need when I need it.  I have been allowing God to pry my little hands off what I believe I need.

So if God says that I need to be in another city then His will be done.

Jon's half prayer
"Dear God, this is what I need:
A larger city church because I am done with small and they need to provide adequate health insurance because this is a growing concern.
A city church because I am done with working with an old and antiquated thinking staff
An American church because I am done with working with an incapable and under trained staff.
A city church because I am done with looking out at a white haired audience who doesn't embrace the new missional movement.
A city church because I am done with suburban living and that feels like a step backwards.

Laurie Lee prompted me to discuss further with Jon the reality that we live in a great city now but that does not carry him through the continual moments of hating his job.  Jon came to me last night and said that he has been thinking a lot about that.  He doesn't even always know what he wants.  He said that God has been prying his hands off this need to be in a city.

So if God says that I need to be in the suburbs then His will be done.

Voila! Oneness prayer

Let it Go

The title in light of the Disney Frozen wake...which the Ritner's took no part in because my peanut has outgrown this.  For us it was all about Tangled and fairies...I really hate letting go.  

I am a recovering control freak.

1.  Worrying is still a form of control because at least I can "do" that.

Laying in bed the other night listening to Jax cry because his ears hurt...

I put in the drops, I gave the Ibuprofen, I hugged and consoled him the best I could, I talked to my mom, I freaked out to Jon about taking another health hit from God,  I questioned why these things always happen on Thursday nights so I have one day to actually see a Dr...so now I worry.  But God reminded me of this truth and I fell asleep casting it all on Him.  I am learning the peace that comes from acknowledging I can do nothing more, not even worry.  I never had control of Jax health anyway.

2. Organization is an idol of mine.

My external surroundings do not control my internal peace.  This is like a mantra I must say over and over again because it is so hard for me to believe...But I desire to care more about the important moments with my husband and kids vs. the cleanliness of our surroundings.  I want to know true internal rest when everything else is spinning out of control.  I never had control of my stuff anyway.

3.  At the end of life I will lose control of everything.

I want to be a joy to take care of when I am 85+.  In reality I will probably lose control of my kids, my health, my appearance (shudder) my finances, my home, my ability to make decisions, my shopping (shudder), my food, my transportation, etc.  And I will probably have lost my big strong man.  I am learning that it is easier to acknowledge that I have never been in control of any of these anyway.

It is Well with my soul...

It is occurring to me that the journey of sanctification is not one that can always be explained tangibly.  As God so lovingly allows me glimpses of reasons "why" my soul just feels connected to something greater than myself.  And I really embody in these moments that little me is capable of anything because I am out of control.  As a doer I am doing nothing. It is His purposes being worked out through me.  I am fully known and loved. And I am fully willing to give my life to this high.

Mark 4:19

The worries of this life
The deceitfulness of wealth
The desires for other things
They came in and choked the word, making it unfruitful.

July 9th, 2012 written in my Bible: That's why I am headed to Bruxelles

It is Well with my soul

Philippians 3:7-14

I lost all things for His sake
I am gaining Christ
I am being found in Him
My righteousness is coming through faith and not what I do
I am participating in His sufferings
I am knowing the power of His resurrection

I keep praying that I can forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead

It is Well with my soul