Let it Go

The title in light of the Disney Frozen wake...which the Ritner's took no part in because my peanut has outgrown this.  For us it was all about Tangled and fairies...I really hate letting go.  

I am a recovering control freak.

1.  Worrying is still a form of control because at least I can "do" that.

Laying in bed the other night listening to Jax cry because his ears hurt...

I put in the drops, I gave the Ibuprofen, I hugged and consoled him the best I could, I talked to my mom, I freaked out to Jon about taking another health hit from God,  I questioned why these things always happen on Thursday nights so I have one day to actually see a Dr...so now I worry.  But God reminded me of this truth and I fell asleep casting it all on Him.  I am learning the peace that comes from acknowledging I can do nothing more, not even worry.  I never had control of Jax health anyway.

2. Organization is an idol of mine.

My external surroundings do not control my internal peace.  This is like a mantra I must say over and over again because it is so hard for me to believe...But I desire to care more about the important moments with my husband and kids vs. the cleanliness of our surroundings.  I want to know true internal rest when everything else is spinning out of control.  I never had control of my stuff anyway.

3.  At the end of life I will lose control of everything.

I want to be a joy to take care of when I am 85+.  In reality I will probably lose control of my kids, my health, my appearance (shudder) my finances, my home, my ability to make decisions, my shopping (shudder), my food, my transportation, etc.  And I will probably have lost my big strong man.  I am learning that it is easier to acknowledge that I have never been in control of any of these anyway.